November 18, 2006

All summer long it felt like the tension of a bow as the arrow was drawn back ready to be released. I felt like a race horse in the starting gate; jumpy and excited, keen to get going.

Now my writing time has started and I feel overwhelmed. There is so much material. Hundreds of pages of notes in my journals, hours and hours of audio tapes and video footage. File cabinets full of research material collected over a lifetime. 

Instead of feeling the keenness and vitality of a racehorse I feel more like an ant in front of a mountain. Although I remind myself that its just one step at a time, often I get sidetracked and my focus is diverted into other tasks and chores. Today I took my bicycle with trailer attached and rescued little cedar bushes from the road monster that comes periodically and mows or digs out the ditches along our highway. I planted them to form a hedge some day along my property line here at the cottage.

Stretching my back on the steps afterward I dozed off gazing up at the trees. Why do I do these things? What drives me to plant things? What possible reason could there be? Doesn't it all come down to eating, sleeping and defecating? Everywhere I turn outside there are projects clambering for my attention. Everywhere I turn inside its the same. Once again I found myself wondering what possible purpose could all this have.

As if on cue My Love called me to say hello. The contrast between her breathless explanation about the wonderful proliferation of "hens and chickens" in her garden and my rambling woes was startling. If course, I thought to myself. Love is the key. When I do things just because they need to get done or there is some timeline that must be met they soon loose their meaning. But when I focus on the individual task and carry it out with joy and love it becomes rich indeed. 

Although there will no doubt be more eating sleeping and defecating, I am looking forward to transcribing the journals and thereby re-living those special moments of love that filled my life last year. Its not about the end result, its about manifesting the love light in our world along the way.

"Love is the key! And you know what the best of it is? We know it!"


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Copyright 2006 by T.M.T. Enterprises. All rights reserved.