After hitting the wall yesterday, today I found myself immersed in a day of soul searching. Once again the disturbing political situation here in the United States had overwhelmed my consciousness and filled my thoughts with darkness. Becoming increasingly angered by the mounting evidence of ruthless corruption I found my passion being channeled into a burning need to awaken the apathetic among us. How can I focus on the beauty of existence, the glory of Oma's transition, the documentation of a life fully lived while my mind was so filled with darkness?
Last night before going to sleep I picked up one of the journals I wrote during Oma's last months on earth. I opened it more or less at random and started to read about the last time I lifted Oma onto the commode next to her bed. The words described how she sat crushed to one side with the force of the tumors in her abdomen. They wondered how the world must have looked to her at that moment, in a drug induced stupor, having lost control of her legs and who knows maybe her senses. It went on to reflect on the last time Oma spoke, the last time she felt the sun, the last time she gave someone a hug or touched a pair of feet.
Wise men don't yell from the mountain tops. Life unfolds and I know that the next fifty years will be filled with challenges as humanity struggles for its survival. Political, environmental, economic or demographic, whatever the crisis it will not likely be sublime. Here we live in earthquake country and not only are we due for a major rumble but along with it there could be a devastating tsunami as well. What should we do to prepare? Climb up on higher ground now and wait it out or live our life in ignorance of the danger? The answer lies somewhere in between and like so much in life the wise path is found in the middle way.
And so it is important that I don't allow myself to get swept up in darkness but manifest my love light in this world with daily vigor and determination. That not only applies to my work as a writer but also to the mundane task of baking bread and transplanting fruit trees. The richness of life deserves to be cherished. the dream deserves to be lived. "Be consciously conscious of consciousness." Oma would counsel me now. To which mother Caspari would add: "And don't forget, Love is the key!"
Gotta go now, the plum cake is ready to come out of the oven...
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