Hi Everybody:    

As you can see Oma really enjoyed working on her tan today while the Orcas played in the current. With all this time she is spending in County Park she really looks healthy and brown.   

We are still trying to balance her medication. It is clear now that her "breathing difficulties" are not as a result of oxygen deprivation. Her Oxygen level was 98% yesterday when nurse Trish took her vitals. The problem is that something (fluid or a tumor or most likely both) is pressing in her chest and it gives her the feeling as if she is suffocating. The narcotics (Codeine and Vicodin) reduce that pressure. The trick is to find a dosage that keeps her aware enough to enjoy these moments and still take care of her anxiety and panic.   

So at this late stage I am becoming more of an expert on addictive drugs. Aside from that though it is a rich time for me. Unlike mother I am very reflective and analytical of the actions and choices. Mother claims she wants to live another three years to write her book on Reflexology. However she makes no effort to actually start to work on it, collect her notes or give me any direction. Today when I questioned her about balancing comfort with the risk of liver damage she sat bolt upright and said in a burst of inspiration: "You know what? I really don't care!" She views all this as a temporary illness but has little resolve to actually support her body's immune system. Given a choice she will always choose bear claws over fresh fruit, butter croissants over vegetables, potatoes over tofu.   
The restriction in her chest makes it harder for her to eat any quantity of food now and I suspect that at this late stage she is going to loose the weight that had she lost it years ago might have averted some of these struggles. So Oma spends a lot of time in denial and/or being angry. She is short and demanding and I expect that this pattern will only intensify over time. Still it brings me joy to know that I have the ability and the temperament to be with her at this time. And then there are the gems. It is such a blessing to spend three hours in County Park as we did today; watching the smile on her face broaden as the sun's rays glitter off Haro strait to land on her face. It makes me glad that the place I hold so dear to my heart brings her so much joy as well.     

On a beam of light 
Thomas