Another step closer it seems. As some of you know the night after Laura left was a tough one. Mother, and consequently I, did not get any sleep at all to speak of. She was very much awake all night. At one point she asked me set her up in the wheelchair in front of the open patio door. Then she asked to be moved to the front door and sit in the open doorway there for a while. Then she asked to go back to the couch but leave both doors open to get the breeze. She was hot and required barely a housecoat to keep comfortable. I had my fleece and tooque on. It was close to freezing outside at 3 in the morning.

When I expected that she would finally doze off at daybreak as she so often has in the past, I only set myself up for a harsh disappointment. All day she struggled to find comfort and no matter what I did with the meds it eluded her. Finally at 8pm we headed for bed once more as she was totally exhausted by then. She dozed for an hour or two and then an amazing thing happened. She awoke and asked for help to sit up. She wanted to use the commode. I thought it a good time to give her medications while she was up and she outright refused them. When I asked her if she would at least consider the stool softener she replied: " I won't bee needing that anymore I am not going to be here that long". Luckily I was fast enough in suppressing my reflex to impose them on her and just stayed glued to her wingtip as she did another breakneck maneuver.   

We slept straight through until 6am. No pee break or nothing. At 6 she asked me to hold her hand so I crawled in beside her and we slept until 9am. Then without a pee break and still refusing medication she wanted to be put on the sofa in the living room to watch Andre Rieu. I chose his Love Songs video for its tranquility. It was 2pm before she got up again to go pee (that's 8 hrs) and this time she accepted some meds. Since then we have been sleeping and listening to Ave Maria, a beautiful CD Laura dug out of mother's collection.  

Mother twitches violently when she sleeps to the point where each time it happens I check her breathing to see if this was the time she left her body. She has taken almost no food since last night at 8pm and has consumed barely a cup of water. She does not want me to leave her side and fears most waking up without me present. So whenever I need to get up to go to the washroom, make myself some food, or stretch my spine I wait until she wakes to tell her where I am going. While writing this I had to go back to her side a couple of times to comfort her.   

Its hard to know for sure but it feels like mother has taken another big step towards her transition to the light. It is magical time in our little cocoon here. I can't imagine a more peaceful and harmonious environment. The music is lovely, the lighting is golden and warm, the comfort is complete, the stillness is pure tranquility. It doesn't get any better than this.   

On a beam of light, Thomas