The sun filled living room sparkled with the warm glow of summer. Mother was sleeping in the bedroom and I could not help but wonder if she would not love to be out in her hospital bed, which we so carefully prepared for her in the living room and which at this hour of the morning was bathed in bright sunshine.

The question ponders for a long time before it, still somewhat trepedatiously, rushes to a conclusion. A person finding themselves at the end of their life stream, knowing that their earthly experiences are drawing to a close, will they seek each last moment of beauty to bask in its glory or will they withdraw, knowing that the beauty here on earth will never end but their focus must now shift to another place, another world where their dreams will be realized?

Gaby's gentle presence here over the last week and a half, sliding naturally into our routine, first watching and then without words stepping in to do the laundry, the dishes and take care of mother's personal hygiene and comfort tasks as well as spending endless hours, tirelessly sitting by Oma's side, was a heartfelt gift. It gave me the opportunity to ground myself in my own world by balancing my manifestation of love in Oma's care with my love for our shambala.  

Stanley, the plum tree and four other little fruit trees were transplanted to find a new place in the sun. All were fertilized, fenced to keep them safe from the ravaging hunger of the fawns soon to be wandering through our yard and pruned to give them strength in the coming growing season. The yard was raked and loved. Gutters were cleaned, decks were swept. The lungs were filled with cold fresh air. The muscles were stressed to their aching limits. All working together to invest in the future of my life.

Now I sit next to mother's bed glimpsing the day through the window as I write. Andre's Romantic Moments CD repeats once again and his gentle violin brings tranquility to the background rhythm of the oxygen machine in the other room and the quiet breathing of mother's sleep.

Much of mother's day is spent sleeping now. This morning she could not be woken when Gaby departed for the airport at 5am. As I write this at 9:00 in the evening on Wednesday she is sleeping on the couch in the living room. The medication required to keep her comfortable is ever increasing and yet each day still brings a gem. My learning has not abated and I am grateful beyond measure for this opportunity to be in the moment and reflect each day on what is important in life. 

There have not been a lot of updates because the rhythm is very constant and there is not much to report. The above is an excerpt from the notes I write in my journal, that's all. I am very reflective and find myself contemplating much as the days meld one into the other. One thing I have learned; not to anticipate anything. Each moment is unique and leads naturally to the next. Anticipation is a close cousin to expectation and expectations lead to disappointments.

Sharing this with all of you
In light and love
on a beam of light
Thomas