When I made plans to come here this time, it seemed very unreal that, again, I should be on my way by plane and shuttle and ferry to be delivered at the bottom of the driveway of the Cottage. It seemed like I had just left and I wasn't sure why I was even here. My main reason for coming was really to give Tom a bit of a break, but Birgit had just been here, so that seemed less pressing. And yet, as I prayed about it, I knew I had to come.  

A few seconds after I got here it felt good and I knew why I was here and that it was right. Oma, I think, did recognize me. She motioned to have her teeth put in, on which she promptly choked. I told her that it was OK, she didn't have to have her teeth in for me and she relaxed and seemed grateful.   

There is no need for teeth because she doesn't eat anything anymore. The first day I was here Tom fed her a few teaspoons full of tofu ice cream but the last day or so she hasn't had even that. We give her water with an eye dropper so even that is negligible. Her eyes are mostly closed and when they are open she looks at a distant spot above your head. From her inner self come sounds like a baby's, from a soft whimper to a strong "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH". Sometimes she does respond to questions but we can't be sure that her response is what she means to say. Tom tested her and asked her if she loved God. Her answer was no, which told us that she is getting her yes's and no's mixed up sometimes.   

Tom has been lifting her onto the commode (no small fete) but the nurse today suggested that we give up on that. Earlier today though, Oma clearly said to me: "AUF!!" (which means: UP!)    

As we sit by her bedside and keep track of time so we don't let the pain get ahead of the pain medication, it is a wonderful time to reminisce and pray and sort out ones thoughts. One wonders what goes on in her mind when we see her squeeze her eyes tight, or see crinkles around her eyes and watch for any change in facial expression from her normal mouth-wide-open, eyes closed position.

Trish asked today if everyone had said their good-byes and wondered when I was scheduled to leave again. She has never given us this big of an indication of where we stand. Although she has the weekend off, she offered to be on call if we need anything. I'm sure she expects to be called. She did tell us of an old-timer, who lasted 20 days without food or water, but those cases are rare and not to be expected here.   

Tomorrow morning it will be 31 years since Dutch and I sat by Todd's bedside waiting for his last breath. Wouldn't it be something if Oma and Todd could have the same going-home anniversary? Oma told Tom a while back that she had one thing that was unfinished. We are wondering what that is and hope that by now it is taken care of. She is surrounded by and covered with love and God in his grace, will certainly be ready to welcome her home.   

It is such a blessing to be able to sit by Oma's bedside and hold her hand to give her comfort, being thankful for the life that we had together, remembering the things she did for us, the things she taught us by her example, remembering how she would always apologize: "I tann net swaetze" (I can't talk said in Schwaebish) when her teeth were out. She is still teaching us how to live and die with dignity, surrendering herself to Tom's loving care as she surrenders her soul to God.       

How blessed we are! Gaby