The time came when she was not able to swallow and as a result the morphine we placed in her mouth, hoping that it would get absorbed by the mucus membrane, intensified the already considerable amounts of foam that were generated. Incredibly, mother was able to breathe quite well in spite of the foam but it sure was unnerving to watch when it built up to the point of overflowing within minutes. We constantly suctioned and swabbed out her mouth.  

Gaby and I acted like a tag team all night, taking turns sitting with Oma and when Gaby called on me at 4am it was clear that mother was under much stress again. By shifting her more onto her side and allowing the morphine to pool and sit inside the back of her cheek it was able to be absorbed enough to settle mother down a bit. By the time I felt comfortable to resume my sleep we vowed to call the doctor in the morning and talk about the availability of morphine injections.

Around 10 I placed the calls to the nurse and the Doctor's office. When we didn't hear back from them immediately we started to get concerned and I could feel our tension rising. We prepared to make another call just as the nurses got back to us. Once we advised them of our situation they committed to call us back with more information soon and then it struck me. Just as Gaby announced that she was going to town and just plant herself in front of the pharmacy counter I realized that we had forgotten to trust.   

To hear the little voice inside and feel its guidance we need to be still and we were growing more frantic by the minute. It's easier to trust and accept that all is in divine order when things are going as expected anyway. Its much harder to trust that God's design is perfect and the universe is unfolding as it should in the nitty gritty world of everyday living and dieing. We had lost our peace and suddenly I felt an overpowering need to be still. "Be still and know that I am God."   

And so, as I was sharing this feeling with Gaby, this recognition that even if its not clear at the moment there is always a purpose, that the right path will be illuminated for us by the cosmic light of God, we received a call from the visiting nurse. After a consultation with experienced hospice professionals and Oma's doctor they came up with a wonderful solution; to place a little butterfly needle into Oma's abdomen allowing us to administer morphine directly without having to poke her every time.   

By the time the home health nurse arrived at 3:30 Gaby had been to town to pick up the prescription and we were richer and wiser for the lesson that was learned. Trust - acceptance that all is as it should be - its a huge challenge at times - but it brings bigger rewards than we can imagine. Incredibly Trust has also been Oma's biggest test over these past few months.  

By early evening mother was resting comfortably, sleeping in a tranquil slumber. As I sat beside her bed and watched her I felt, confident that we had been given the tools to keep her comfortable. Oma always wanted to die in her sleep. Little did I realize that within hours her wish would be granted.

At precisely two in the morning on March 15th, 2006 our dearest Mütterlein, Oma, made her transition complete. She took her last breath, and quietly left her body.